lately i feel like i am just getting overwhelmed all the time everyday. between work, planning corbin's birthday party, trying to keep up on laundry and house work, worrying about my work schedule and how dusty and i are going to make it work, and all the other little things life throws at you, i just feel like i want to RUN! i know, i know... thats just life. got it. thanks for the reminder. i have been trying to be a more patient, more positive, and less stressed individual but so far its not working out. i have too much on my plate to worry about trying so hard not to be that person. so sorry world, but until i get my house clean and pick my schedule for the next 4 months of my working life, can't change. i pick my schedule on thursday so not too much longer of worrying about that. i am going to get my house clean today (hopefully). so who knows maybe by thursday i will feel better, right? no! corbin's birthday party is on saturday. i am getting more confident that i can pull it off but i still have that little negative voice in my head telling me i can't.
oh a side note... i am starting a new journey in my life on saturday. hcg. yeah i am jumping on that bandwagon. i am not one to go with the crowd, but where i am so unhappy with the way i look and how pregnancy ruined my once 50lbs lighter figure, i can't help but want to do it. when i see people around me melting off pounds in 30days, i can't help but say, "hey that can work for me too!" 30lbs in 30 days? really??? yes really. i have seen it with my own two eyes. not one person, or two, or three. lots. i am hoping to lose 30, but who knows. i know the average for a woman is 20-25. 30 is my goal... for now. i want to lose 60 and be my high school weight again. i want to feel good. i want to dress cute again. i want to want to put on a swimsuit and take corbin to the pool. i want to do all of these things, yet i have never truely tried to make it happen. well that is all going to change. i have the hcg. it is sitting on my kitchen counter staring me in the face. i am starting saturday and i hope to lose 30lbs by the end of my 40 days of hell. why hell? well for starters i will be eating like a rabbit. green stuff only. 100grams of chicken breast grilled, and sometimes strawberries. ok, ok its really not that bad. i can have a variety of different things, but i can only eat 500 calories a day. for those of you who don't know how this whole thing works... basically the hcg pulls your bodies stored fats and uses them to compinsate for only eating 500 calories. the hcg burns 4,000 calories a day. 3,500 calories is equal to one pound. 3,500 calories burned a day= one pound a day lost. so really your body is working with 4,000 calories a day. not 500. i have researched it and i know what it does and how it works. i'm not worried about any side effects. it is all natural. i used to be really ignorant about it. then i took the time to learn about it. now i know what it is and i feel alot better taking it. people really close to me know how miserable i am about my weight. since i am going to be losing weight, and i know i am going to, now i feel more comfortable talking about it. the weight drags me through the mud and makes me feel like crap everyday. i never look in the mirror and like what i see. i am not happy and i am not healthy. i want to be. i am going to be. i want to change my life and love who i am. i hate putting on jeans and a hoodie all the dang time. hoodies are good coverage. hahaha. i know i had a baby blah blah blah. no more excuses. it has been a year. weight should of been gone by now. i feel like i am finally taking control of my life. its going to be hard, i'm sure i will get hungry. nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels. true. so i am going to go buy a scale and document everything. i am going to weigh in every day, i am going to get all my measurements and do those once a week, and i am going to get in the dreaded bikini and take before hcg pictures. i want to really see where i am losing. i want to do 2 rounds of hcg before october when i go with my family to california. i can do it. i'm not afraid anymore. i'm excited! i'm so excited to start! i know i will be so much happier. more confident. i want to walk with my head held high. soon.....

lately i feel like i am just getting overwhelmed all the time everyday. between work, planning corbin's birthday party, trying to keep up on laundry and house work, worrying about my work schedule and how dusty and i are going to make it work, and all the other little things life throws at you, i just feel like i want to RUN! i know, i know... thats just life. got it. thanks for the reminder. i have been trying to be a more patient, more positive, and less stressed individual but so far its not working out. i have too much on my plate to worry about trying so hard not to be that person. so sorry world, but until i get my house clean and pick my schedule for the next 4 months of my working life, can't change. i pick my schedule on thursday so not too much longer of worrying about that. i am going to get my house clean today (hopefully). so who knows maybe by thursday i will feel better, right? no! corbin's birthday party is on saturday. i am getting more confident that i can pull it off but i still have that little negative voice in my head telling me i can't.
oh a side note... i am starting a new journey in my life on saturday. hcg. yeah i am jumping on that bandwagon. i am not one to go with the crowd, but where i am so unhappy with the way i look and how pregnancy ruined my once 50lbs lighter figure, i can't help but want to do it. when i see people around me melting off pounds in 30days, i can't help but say, "hey that can work for me too!" 30lbs in 30 days? really??? yes really. i have seen it with my own two eyes. not one person, or two, or three. lots. i am hoping to lose 30, but who knows. i know the average for a woman is 20-25. 30 is my goal... for now. i want to lose 60 and be my high school weight again. i want to feel good. i want to dress cute again. i want to want to put on a swimsuit and take corbin to the pool. i want to do all of these things, yet i have never truely tried to make it happen. well that is all going to change. i have the hcg. it is sitting on my kitchen counter staring me in the face. i am starting saturday and i hope to lose 30lbs by the end of my 40 days of hell. why hell? well for starters i will be eating like a rabbit. green stuff only. 100grams of chicken breast grilled, and sometimes strawberries. ok, ok its really not that bad. i can have a variety of different things, but i can only eat 500 calories a day. for those of you who don't know how this whole thing works... basically the hcg pulls your bodies stored fats and uses them to compinsate for only eating 500 calories. the hcg burns 4,000 calories a day. 3,500 calories is equal to one pound. 3,500 calories burned a day= one pound a day lost. so really your body is working with 4,000 calories a day. not 500. i have researched it and i know what it does and how it works. i'm not worried about any side effects. it is all natural. i used to be really ignorant about it. then i took the time to learn about it. now i know what it is and i feel alot better taking it. people really close to me know how miserable i am about my weight. since i am going to be losing weight, and i know i am going to, now i feel more comfortable talking about it. the weight drags me through the mud and makes me feel like crap everyday. i never look in the mirror and like what i see. i am not happy and i am not healthy. i want to be. i am going to be. i want to change my life and love who i am. i hate putting on jeans and a hoodie all the dang time. hoodies are good coverage. hahaha. i know i had a baby blah blah blah. no more excuses. it has been a year. weight should of been gone by now. i feel like i am finally taking control of my life. its going to be hard, i'm sure i will get hungry. nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels. true. so i am going to go buy a scale and document everything. i am going to weigh in every day, i am going to get all my measurements and do those once a week, and i am going to get in the dreaded bikini and take before hcg pictures. i want to really see where i am losing. i want to do 2 rounds of hcg before october when i go with my family to california. i can do it. i'm not afraid anymore. i'm excited! i'm so excited to start! i know i will be so much happier. more confident. i want to walk with my head held high. soon.....